Date: Fri, 24 Dec 2004 15:29:21 -0800 (PST)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: A holiday gift of beer.

Hello all and I hope you are all having a great holiday. Well there is no call to Koerners this week since everyone is gone.

Well I guess you go to Koerners if anyone is still in the city. I just wont be going and it wont be an official run to

Koerners. I suggest that everyone take tonight off, spend time with family/and or friends, and maybe have some wine or beer

(communion counts). As for me, my dad has been annoying the family playing the Mummers song

(http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~dsprague/mummers.mp3) three times in a row. If anyone wants to know what a newfie song sounds like, this

is a Christmas classic. I will be subjecting him to my home made beer tonight in retribution.

I said that I would send off a holiday top ten (and an offensive top ten as well) so I thought I would send off an email today.

I went through a series of possible topics (Ways you know Santa Died this Year, Bad Christmas Songs, and ways you know you have

stopped believing in Santa). Instead, I have decided to do a quick (and half assed job. Sorry) list on the following topic and

hope you enjoy it. I am really not feeling funny right now. I just watched some post "jumped the shark" Happy Days. No one

can be funny after watching that.

TOP TEN BAD CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR CHILDREN!!!

------------------------------------------------------------

10. Baby's first taser.

9. A box of pencils with a message saying:

"There is no Santa Johnny. Better get used to disappointment."

8. Fondle me Elmo.

7. Tickle me and die Wilson.

6. Parental Transformers. Give a couple extra glasses of eggnog and

turn your mom from a nice polite 50 year old into that person

puking into the poinsettias.

5. A rusty hatchet.

4. Magic Touch and Crawl Pooh

(actual toy but it still makes me laugh).

3. The "Fun with Gasoline" play set.

2. A cardboard box fort (only dangerous in Ohio).

1. Al Qaeda Barbie.

0. Brad's big bag of vomit.

-1. A big red bag, a blood stained Santa hat, and a note reading "Here

you go Johnny. All the presents you could ever want. Now let me drink in

peace.

------ Dad"

-2. A card that simply reads

"Watch the cookies kid. Santa thinks you're getting fat."

The rude list will come soon so if you normally don't get those lists and you would like it, send me an email.

Snobby Beer Quote of the Week

---------------------------------------

"You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning."

--- Homer Simpson

David "visions of sugar plums dancing mean you just ate the mistletoe" Sprague