Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2004 14:20:34 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: Beer: Throw in (money), throw up, throw down, and thrown out

Hello all. Today seems to be shaping into quite a nice bright day and so I would like to suggest a small change to our regular

schedule. For those of you that can't come earlier, come to Koerner's at the usual time. For those of you that can leave

slightly earlier, I would like to leave the front of CICSR at 4pm today. Why you ask? * Here are my reasons:

* Quite frankly I don't care. I am drunk with power here!!! Mwhaahahaha 4pm. I am messing with your minds! *cough*. I am

fine now.

1) It is a nice sunny day out

2) There doesn't seem to be that many people in the department and those of you that are working seem to have a more flexible

schedule that earlier in the year.

3) I am lazy and want to drink earlier.

4) Koerner's is going to have a major concert/party thing happening at 8pm tonight. For those that want to attend, that is

fantastic. For those that don't like large crowds however, if we started at 5 you can only expect 2-3 hours of relative calm

before undergrads come down on Koerner's like a pack of locusts. :)

Seriously, our very own DJ Dancing Dave (Dave Thompkins) will be DJing at the "Summer Sizzle" starting at 8pm. There will also

be a mariachi band playing. Sounds like a great time so I thought I would give everyone a heads up. It is also important to

note that we will not be the loudest or the most excessively intoxicated group this week.....this sort of upsets me but I will

get over it. At least there will be fine beer and good conversations to be had. Also Lior found the following site and thought

it might be entertaining to some (it's not PC or high brow but entertaining all the same).

http://beerlovercam.com

So my suggestion. I will meet people in front of CICSR at 4pm today. If you want to leave at the usual 5pm, I would suggest

waiting at the front so a second group can walk over to Koerner's. If no one shows up at 4 to walk over with me.....I will hunt

you down and drag you with me. :)

So enough babbling onto this week's list. In response to the last incident of last week's outing, I present the following list.

Anyone can get kicked out. It takes special skill to get kicked out these ways.

TOP TEN BEST WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF KOERNER'S

--------------------------------------------------

10. Ask the bartender to skip the nut brown and go in the "Back Woods" with you.

9. Keep trying to pay for your beer with your Safeway card.

8. Set up a Quake tournament on the patio.

7. Don't tip that late night bartender guy.

6. Try and do a Matrix move by swinging a pool cue around your head. When you finally come to, and the staff complain about the

cue being broken in half, insist that it doesn't actually exist and the matrix isn't real. Wet yourself. Insist that isn'treal either.

5. Puke in the barbeque.

4. Order something more complicated than beer.

3. Keep telling everyone who will listen that the guy who sets up the sound system sucks. That Ed is a bad ass.

2. Pick a fight with a squirrel.

1. Drop kick an empty cardboard box (Seriously. That gets you kicked

out).

0. Every time someone mentions the moon, pull down your pants and show them your moon.

-1. Four words: Two person dance party.

-2. Every time someone says the word beer, lick their face. If they complain, start to cry.

-3. Ask for a picture. After they start pouring the beer, pass them a piece of paper and some crayons. Repeat.

-4. Put dresses on the foosball figures.

-5. After, when you score in a foosball game, say things like "Way to go Glenda!" and "Good hustle Susan".

-6. Watch the game. Everyone time someone scores, sulk and say "I wish I could score for once".

-7. Emulate a European fountain. Stand on a table, strike a pose and pee into the nearest pitcher.

-8. Three words: Random lap dances.

-9. Keep saying over and over again: "Liquor? I don't even know her"

-10. Change your last name to Penoff.

David "Haven't been banned, just give me time" Sprague

"From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world."

n Saint Arnoldus