Date: Fri, 4 Mar 2005 13:04:10 -0800 (PST)
From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>
To: grads@cs.ubc.ca
Subject: Stepping down and stepping out for beer.
Whooo. Hello again everyone and welcome to my final official beer call. Yes, that's right, your friendly neighborhood beer czar
wants someone else to run the beer czar position after this upcoming Tuesday. I figure with all this free time I will now have,
I can actually do some research.....or watch TV.....the safe bet is TV. So please come on out for my last hurrah at Beer Czar
and then come out next week for someone's first hurrah as beer czar. You don't need to drink. You just need to relax,
socialize and have a good time*. Ed and I were also hoping to entice people to come out this week since previous weeks have
ended rather early. People show up but then leave after an hour or two. So, I have something to motivate you all. Ed doesn't
know about this yet, but for everybody that shows up for more than 2 hours, Ed will show you his nipples. I figure if this
doesn't motivate people to come to Koerner's, nothing will. He has quite the rack. Those of you that don't attend, I will find
you in your offices and show you my hairy white belly.
* Although if you drink rum and cokes I will have to mock you
So, for those of you that don't want to see my belly, lets meet in front of CICSR at 5:00 and walk on over. I am buying the
first pitcher.
I felt this week's list should involve my departure from the position, so here it is. Enjoy.
TOP TEN WAYS TO NOT-SO-GRACEFULLY STEP DOWN FROM THE POSITION OF BEER CZAR
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10. While writing the final top ten, drink until your breath is flammable.
*opens first beer*
9. Every person that hasn't bought a pitcher this week: lick them
8. *Holding beer glass above my head* "From my cold dead hands!!"
7. Replace everyone's beer with Folgers's Crystals.
*opens second beer*
6. Spending my last week dedicating my life to hunting down that
bastard who store big red and making him/her pay
......that or I could just pay the $4.95 and get a new one.
5. SPAM all grads on a weekly basis to tell them to come to the Koerner's
Library with me.
*opens beer 3*
4. Like salting the earth, I should taint the taps. That way all beers
after my rein will suck. Im sure that will work. It
obviously worked f or the last czar.
*drinks beer #floor*
3 De-pants Mark for stealing my Czarness. In the grand tradition of
Mortal Kombat, I call this maneuver my Czarality.
2. Write a tell all book about the events of last year. Title it:
2a. Pen-off the Page: booze, babes, the box and the bannings.
2b or not Tibi: How a wedgie threat can lead to grads avoiding
Koerner's.
* opens beer 5 *
1. Forward to grads@cs.ubc.ca all messages involving "Cialis soft tabs".*
0. Include footnotes that go nowhere.
*opens beer #......*staring at my hand*...... more then 5*
-1. Tell all the drunkn secrets people tell you.
a) Did you know that Jordan likes wine coolers?
b Did you know that Barry Po is ilitarate? Magic elves did his thesis at night.
*opens beer*
*hits printer to try and fix the reception but I continue to see two printers*
-2. Whoever becomes the new zar, plaster his/her picture all around campus with the capshon "likes eatng pandas"
-3. Peee on Clint. Y? Just becas.
-4. Leave a beer keg in the learning center. Tri and teach those undergrads NOW you smug TA bastards!! .....Wait I have todo
that In 2 hrs.
*opens beer 3 plus a hand *
-5. Tris You want me to teech. Wel come amd getme you big balony. I think your a stinky and whaat kind of name is Trsistram
anyWay. Its a name like a.......like a....... like a big stupid name. Hehehehe. ....What are you loking at you little sjit?
Huh? Not laughn so much now r ye. Lokng all smug withe yur red hair and yur beer. I'm going to kick yur azz. *punches mirror*
Snoby Beeeeeeeeeer Qote:
-------------------------
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
--Dean Martin
Davd "holdng into the floor but leting go my diggnity" Sprag