Date:
Fri, 17 Sep 2004 12:25:30 -0700 (PDT)
From:
David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>
To:
grads@cs.ubc.ca
Subject:
Beers consumed, mugs lost, and lessons learned...
Hello
again everyone. We are back to a nice
normal Koerner's call this week and we will be departing from the front of
CICSR at
5pm
like we usually do. Since this is a
Friday before the workload has hit most people, I expect the pub to be a bit
packed. I
hope
you will all be patient if we have to wait to get in *.
Well
I would like to make one more serious announcement this call: I have lost my big red coffee mug at
Koerner's last week.
In
a rush to go to the Weakerthans concert, I accidentally left it behind. My mug has never been alone in a strange
place like
this
before and is probably scared. If you
have seen my mug, please contact your local poli....beer czar. For some reason,
those
jerks at the dairy commission won't put my mug's picture on their milk cartons,
despite the deep and meaningful
relationship
my mug has had with the department's milk supply. Please pray for my mug and for all lost mugs out in this cold
cruel
world.
*
Because I will be freaking out and swearing at the top of my lungs.
Also
for your entertainment, here are some pictures from the Stanley Park trip:
http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~dsprague/dsc00037.jpg
http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~dsprague/dsc00031.jpg
http://www.cs.ubc.ca/~dsprague/dsc00029.jpg
Well
I thought I would have tons of funny comments to say about last week's
orientation and this week's first week of classes.
I
was wrong. So on to my usual assortment of poop and Penoff jokes (not
necessarily related).
TOP
TEN LESSONS LEARNED DURING ORIENTATION AND THE FIRST WEEK OF CLASS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
10)
The beer czar WILL smack you if you insist on calling him the "burger
bitch".
9) The grads mailing list should only be
used for critical news and information....
......
......
*cough*
.....I
want my mug back
8) Don't leave your beer unattended. Someone will pee in it.
7) New grad women are as smart as the
continuing ones. Still no one will
consent to nice relaxing glute and pectoral massages.
6) When Jocelyn is playing darts, run like
hell. Use Warren as a shield.
5) No matter what he says, don't pull Dustin's
finger. Especially not near a BBQ.
4)
Brad's BBQ job as cheese dispenser taught him that he could put cheese on
ANYTHING. A google search reveals there
are 4 porn
sites
discussing Penoffing, or its alternate name "Grad au Gratin'ing.
3)
Despite thinking that you are toilet trained, Wolfgang Heidrich's 514 graphics
course can make you second-guess this
assumption.
2)
If you can't get into your bullpen, don't say anything. Just sit out in the hall for the first 3
weeks of class and avoid
the
controversy.
1)
Don't make fun of Tibi, especially if you don't know him. He will mess you up. Everyone should leave him alone and he is a
nice
guy.
......now
can I have my dog back?
0)
My supervisor has informed me that showing new grads the weird rash on my back
does not constitute a demo.
-1)
If you want to attend a class that is full, follow the steps below:
a) talk to the instructor.
b) If that doesn't work, sit on the
floor of the class and pretend
you are a fichus.
c) If you think someone is seeing
through your clever charade, start
chanting "Fiiiiichus. Fiiiiiichus. I am a fiiiiichus." until they
believe you.
-2)
There was only one official scavenger hunt.
Despite what the Lowell says, finding him a hot apple pie and a bag of
chips
will
not win you a prize.
-3)
There are two types of grads: smart grads and very muddy grads.
and
the snobby beer quote of the week is:
"Anyone
can drink beer, but it takes intelligence to enjoy beer."
--
Stephen Beaumont
PS: I don't have a dog. Tiberiu, if you are reading this, I really
hope I am not annoying you.
David "I am the fichus. Goo goo goo joob" Sprague