Date:
Fri, 5 Nov 2004 13:23:01 -0800 (PST)
From:
David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>
To:
grads@cs.ubc.ca
Subject:
Beverage treats and obligatory retreats....
Hello
all. I know it will be disappointing
(much like the election this week) but your always loveable beer czar will
finally
be
missing a trip to Koerner's this week.
I have therefore nominated the always tall and now "red
headed"* Vance Lockton as
interim
beer czar. Give him the same respect
that you would normally show me.....none.
*Faker.
I
am not sure if he will be sending a mass email this week so I decided to
compose this week's email like normal.
Hopefully he
will
still be able to wow us all with a creative email after me. I just thought I would be safe. I think everyone should meet
at
the front of CICSR at 5 and we can walk over to the pub. "We" you ask? Absolutely.
I am being picked up to go on this
Gilbert
and Sullivan retreat at the flagpole near Koerner's. I can't grab a beer but I can walk over with the 2-3 people that
tend
to show up on time at 5.
I
would also like to follow up on Tuesday Tea's recruitment campaign by
encouraging new grads that have not attended a Friday
beer
to give it a try. First years who
normally attend: drag some people from
their bullpens. This week is as good a
time as
any
to socialize with your classmates. The
line-ups should be small, the beer should be good, and that REAL redhead that
keeps
pestering
you to go won't be around. So on that
note, here is this week's top ten list.
It didn't feel funny when writing it
so
please don't hold this list against me and BOY are you guys in for a
self-deprecating fiesta:
TOP
TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE BEER CZAR FINALLY MISSING A WEEK
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. You can finally get a word in edge wise
9. Hopefully now no one will snicker every
time someone says jugs,
cocktail, banger sausages or beer
head.
b) Or for that matter: pianist, moon,
NP-hard or Uranus.....I really
gotta grow up.
7. Vance, the temporary beer czar doubles
as a bouncer.....
......watch out Brad.
8. All the top ten lists, none of the B.O.
6. Women: No more having to put up with a
lecherous slimy guy
constantly grabbing your
ass.......Steve Gao probably won't go
without me.
5. With me not attending, Tibi can finally
come out of hiding and
grab a beer.
4. Fewer conversations about trying to meet
women, more conversations
about inline assembly.
3. Vance may ask you to pull his finger, but
this is a step up from
me asking you to pull a different
appendage.
2. One less guy means that the male/female
ratio will improve from
"football locker room" to
"physics department".
1. After this week's elections, at least
power mad leader will not be
coming back this week.
0. No more conversations about that damn
dry humping platypus.
-1. With me gone, the BBQ staff may actually
smile.
-3. Vance may ask you to pull his finger, but
this is a step up from me
asking you to pull a different
appendage.
-2. Less "Yo mamma", more "Yo
Yo Ma"
-3. No more drunken games of "find the
pretzel in the crevice". You now
only have to wash your hands after touching your OWN ass.
-4. Vance doesn't drink beer. He won't roshambo you to determine who's
paying. **
**
I am referring to the South Park version of roshambo. I just found out that the REAL roshambo game is simply "rock
paper
scissors". If I knew that before Steve (Wilson), you
may have not have had to pay for beer AND you would be able to have kids
now. Silly me.
This
week's snobby beer quote:
-----------------------------------------
"In
my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the
beer."
--A.J.P. Taylor, British historian
David
"M.I.A. (Missing Ingesting Alcohol)" Sprague
PS Don't kill me Gao. I figured you were one of the safest people to joke about that
since you don't fit the profile.....I am
never
seeing my hat again am I?
Date:
Fri, 5 Nov 2004 15:36:10 -0800 (PST)
From:
Vance Lockton <lockton@cs.ubc.ca>
To:
grads@cs.ubc.ca
Subject:
Bush Won. We all need a drink.
Greetings
from your interim beer czar. As Dave
mentioned, he can't make it, so I'm taking his place for the week ... in a
Dubya
kind
of way, in that I wasn't really trusted to run this thing myself, so
Dave/Cheney made sure I didn't forget the email or
anything.
And
with that ends my discussion of the election for the night. Don't feel offended if I flee from anyone
discussing politics.
It's
simply my way of keeping everyone clean when my head explodes. As an alternative, I will offer a contest: a
free burger
for
anyone who can 1) Correctly pronounce Ben Roethlisberger's name and 2) Compose
a haiku about his Steelers beating the
Patriots
last Sunday. I will have sports talk at
my
bar,
and it will be in haiku form, even if it kills me!
Even
non-sports fans, I ask, nay, implore you to come out and have a drink. It is much better than the alternative: not
drinking. Really. Trust the beer czar. I would never lead you astray. Follow the red hair (or just dye your hair
red, ala
Dave
Tompkins, who it would seem is now emulating me) and you will be happy.
On
that note, I present the my own top ten list ... noting that I ran out of ideas
after 10 items (and, arguably, good ideas
much
sooner)
TOP
TEN BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING BEER CZAR FOR A DAY
---------------------------------------------------
10.
I finally have a reason to stay at Koerner's past 7:30.
9.
'Absolute power corrupts absolutely';
who am I to disprove a proverb?
8.
Penoff, Tibi and Steve Gao get the day off; it's all Sprague jokes, all the
time!
7.
All the power, none of the accountability.
It's like I'm the President or something. (That'll be the last election
joke)
6.
As the most powerful czar (at least on Fridays), I get to re-appoint the other
czar-ships. New coffee czar: Seinfeld's
bubble
boy. New tea czar: Mr T. I pity the fool who doesn't come to Tuesday
Tea.
5.
Don't have to hear 'Sorry, I only date czars' anymore.
4.
It took 15 months, but I finally have something to go on the resume.
3.
It says in the charter I get a pig every month. And two comely lasses of virtue true. And it's the first Friday of the
month
- Payday! (And that'll be the only Simpsons reference)
2.
I hereby declare: rum & coke is now a beer. Therefore, I can order it in pitchers.
1.
I'm making tons of money on corporate sponsorships. Say hello to 'Trojan presents the Keith's czar, as brought to you
by
Depends.'
-------------------------------
Your friendly, neighbourhood interim beer czar.