Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2004 14:52:07 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: The tame list.

WEll upon Brian's suggestion, here is the tame top ten list for this week.

This is a subtle reminder about the open house demos next week. *

* Oh crap!! I forgot the footnote in the last email**

**Just in case you noticed. :)

TOP TEN WAYS TO ENSURE NEW GRADS JOIN YOUR LAB!!

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10. Tell them that HCI isn't real computer science (for non-HCI)

9. Remind people that HCI probably has the best male : female ratio.

8. Captain Kirk impressions ALWAYS impress people.

7. Place empty can on bear trap. Place sign that says "Crush caan to win

a free Oh Henry Bar" next to trap. Wait for unsuspecting new grad. Hope

new grad doesn't use his/her hand to crush the can, or productivity will

only be at 50%.

6. Every male grad student gets placed in a draw for a free date with.....an actual GIRL!!

5. The Beta Lab Slogan: " We may involve theory, but at least people call

it a science."

4. Systems Lab Slogan: "Dima won't ask you to change offices if you are

his lab mate."

3. SPL Slogan: "We know how people should program. Damn it, listen to

us!!"

2. LCI Slogan: "We'll accomplish what we said we would EVENTUALLY".

1. Booby trap every demo mouse. When a student goes to remove his/her

hand, give them an electric shock. Tell them "That's what you get for trying to leave us. We're doing this for your own good."

If they persist, break out the hammer.

0. Give out free samples of the SPL cologne: "Aspects of Coding"

-1. Perform profile data mining on each grad student. Threaten to reveal

that they are 24 and have never kissed a non-relative unless they join

your lab.

-2. Scientific Computing: Provide free booze.... or show them the math you are working on. Either way there will be nausea,

disorientation, and a lot of crying.

David "Doesn't know when to quit emailing" Sprague