Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2005 10:45:15 -0800 (PST)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: Singing without the influence of beer.

Hello all, or perhaps I should say "My gallant crew good morning," it is once again that time of the week for the weekly beer

call. I have been told that the first year grads don't have THAT much to do and lets face it; what do second year + grads ever

do. There is no freshly fallen snow.* Therefore this week seems to be the perfect time for the computer science grads to come

out in force. I won't be able to stay that long but that also seems to result in more people turning up. I expect a great turn

out and if we don't get one, I will hunt down each and every person who didn't show up and give him/her the glowering of a

lifetime. For those that like making the first wave trip (and pretty much the only people who will be able to see me tonight

since I have to leave at 6) lets meet at 5 in the CICSR atrium. I will actually be there around 5 this time. Promise.

* and no freshly stupidified Vancouver drivers....sorry but Canadians should all know how to drive in snow and should have at

least all season tires on their cars in December just on general principle.

Well the obvious event in my life this week is the production of Pirates of Penzance that went up last night. Good GOD does it

eat up my time. My thesis research is being held up by an obligation I made to sing and dance and make an ass of myself. How

wonderful. Anyways, at least it is also interrupting my social life as well, not just my work schedule. It is the reason I

have to leave at 6. Last night was the opening night, which Ed, Brad, and Lowell were nice enough to attended**. So, on that

note, the top ten list for this week obviously has to involve the play:

** WOW this is one big shameless plug. It wasn't meant to be.

TOP TEN WORST THINGS ABOUT DOING MUSICAL THEATRE/OPERETTA!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

10. It is the only place where you will hear the words

"Dance manly and tough!" seriously come out of someone's mouth.

You are not allowed to laugh at this.

9. Ed's idea of throwing snowballs at me when I am on stage wouldn't

have been that bad. The fact that they opted for rocks instead is

what really stunk.

8. There are only so many times you can hear the jokes "it's curtains

for you pal" or "break a leg....I can break both your legs if you

like" before you go on a rampage bitch slapping your cast mates.

7. Orchestra pit?? Smells like armpit to me.

6. During songs named

"Is There Not One Maiden Breast" and

"When the Foreman Bears His Steel"

you are not allowed to snicker.

5. Opening night nerves make me say yes to "reply to all" when

responding to emails from Tris. It's not because I am a dumb ass.

Honest. *whistles inconspicuously*

4. My job as an actor involves giving the musical director a sponge

bath

...or at least that's what he told me...

3. Last night, as a "cowboy pirate", I was shooting blanks.

Just saying that depresses me.

2. The times I am on stage are the times I have to stop drinking beer

tonight. Thank GOD I am only in half the second act.

1. You have to sing and act.....at the same time no less.

b) I figure if singing and acting at the same time is good,

screaming and over acting must be fantastic.

What did you think about last night Brad?

0. A year and a half's worth of hard work trying to convince women

that I am not gay; ruined the moment I walked on stage.

-1. It may be fun to walk around saying: "Good luck. After walking

out and talking to the audience in costume I am sure this is going

to go better than a production of Macbeth,", however, the police

will never find your body.

-2. You have to take off your glasses when on stage. Last night it

was twenty minutes before I realized that I was on stage dancing

with a mop instead of my partner.

-3. Backstage is yet another moment in my life that a woman taking her

clothes off in front of me indicates absolutely nothing.

-------Snobby Beer Quote of the Week-----

Pour, oh pour the pirate sherry;

Fill, oh fill the pirate glass.

And to make us more the merry,

Let the pirate bumper pass.

-- W. S. Gilbert

David "but still in matters scottish ale, IPA, and blue star;

I am the very instance of an inebriated beer czar" Sprague