Date: Fri, 23 Jul 2004 15:57:07 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: I believe drink gave thee the lie tonight.

Hello all. I am in a very Shakespearean mood today. Last night I saw the Merry Wives of Windsor put on by Bard on the Beach so

hence this week's theme. I was thinking about doing a list about finally being able to see (which I still might, time

permitting) now that my glasses are finally the right prescription, or tell you wondrous tales of getting my eyes dilated via a

muscular relaxant and not being able to see for 4 hours. Actually the story only consists of me stumbling home blind with my

eyes watering buckets looking like I was crying.* I must have looked like a girl broke up with me by killing my parents. If any

of you need to deflate your ego, I highly recommend it.

* an after effect of the drug. I am still the icon of masculinity that you all know.**

**If by "icon of masculinity" you mean "guy with the orange fun fur couch", then technically the statement is true.***

*** Barely

So as I said, Shakespeare is the attempted theme for this week. Since "so foul and fair a day I have not seen" (being a

redhead: sunlight = bad. I have proof from yesterday) I suggest we meet in the shaded front of CISCR at 5:00 and we can quickly

walk over to the tree shaded patio of Koerner's for some fine beer, fine conversation, and finally a working tap (it felt like

the Twilight Zone with everyone drinking Rum and Cokes like Vance). Freaked me right out. Hopefully the taps will work "As You

Like It".

Again, this week, the top ten ended getting very dirty, so I have a special request top ten for those that are interested.

Email me if you want a copy (it involves pornography and Shakespeare).

TOP TEN NOT-SO-POPULAR SHAKESPEAREAN PLAYS

-------------------------------------------

10. The Merry Wise-ass of Windsor

9. King Lior

8. A Comedy of Arrows: That wacky Hundred Years War.

7. A Communist of Errors

6. MacBath: Shakespeare's cleanest play

5. Thou Stinks Like Cabbage

4. Two Gentlemen of Scarborough

3. What Kind of Girly Name is Francis Bacon?

2. The Temp test

1. Loving Your Mom, and Making your Girlfriend Go Mad 101.

0. The Merchant of Surrey.

-1. Everyone Dies, The End

-2. Much Ado About Your Mom

-3. Spamlet

And for my signature this week, I will provide you with a line I ACTUALLY delivered during a full house performance. The word

is supposed to be enemies. Enjoy.

David "I have many enimas in Orsino's court, else will I shortly see thee there" Sprague

For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King.

-- Shakespeare (A Winter's Tale)