Date:
Fri, 22 Oct 2004 15:00:51 -0700 (PDT)
From:
David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>
To:
grads-conf@cs.ubc.ca
Hey
everyone. Well, this week I may
actually be able to stay at Koerner's for more than an hour, provided no one
tells Barry
and
Colin that I am socializing rather than doing work. So if they ask you, either avoid the topic or lie. Thank you.
Hehehehehe
this is the perfect crime.
Hopefully
this week will not have so many distracting bzzr gardens for all of you to head
off to. Your cuddly loveable beer
czar
will also be attending for more than an hour this week since I will not be
singing and making an ass of myself on stage
this
week* (I did a musical review as a fundraiser last week). There is also additional incentive to come
out to Koerner's
tonight
as several of our comrades in arms have completed their theses, defended, and
are graduating. Yes new grads, it is
possible
to graduate.... I can't guarantee I will, but some people can. If any of these graduating grads come out to
the pub
for
a traditional departure beer.....or two.....or three, you can wish them good
luck and congratulations. So lets meet
in
front
of CICSR at 5pm today and make the always eventful walk** over to Koerner's
together.
* Note:
I only said STAGE, not chair or table in the bar.
**
Once we saw a squirrel AND a homeless guy fishing cans out of the garbage
during the walk over. How exciting is
THAT!!
Well
to comment on this week's exciting Incredible Instructors and Terrific TA
awards, I would like to sincerely congratulate
all
the people who won. You all did a
fantastic job. I do have to mention,
however, that although not everyone can win the
award
we do have an incredible number of fantastic TAs in this department. This year, I suspect that we have continued
this
trend
of excellence. Although undergrad
evaluations are important for helping us to learn, our final marks do not
necessarily
reflect
how well we performed. Therefore, for
those of you that want to actively and directly affect your ability to win a
terrific
TA award, follow the following instructions:
TOP
TEN WAYS TO DISQUALIFY YOURSELF FROM A TERRIFIC TA AWARD!!
--------------------------------------------------------------
10. Show up to your lab dressed as Gandalf.
9. For every person that asks you what a
syntax error is, pee on his/her keyboard.
8. On the first day of your tutorial
mention how Joyce must hate you to have given you this gig. Vow sweet revenge.
7. For your tutorials, instead of chalk,
use cheese in a can. Lick the board clean
when you're done.
6. Ask your students if they can spare some
change for coffee and a hot meal.
5. Accentuate all your statements by
passing gas.
4. Describe recursion using sock puppets.
3. Introduce yourself as "Professor
Von Poopypants"
2. Mark assignments in blood.
1. Mark assignments in undergrad blood.
0. Every comment you write on a mid-term
simply and elegantly reads "Orange you glad I didn't say
banana?" If someone asks
you
why, pretend you only speak Icelandic.
-1. Nickname everyone stinky.
-2. Continue trying to get high off the
whiteboard markers.
-3. Tell the professor that you would have
tried to get your PhD but you were afraid it would cause you to "ugly
up" like
him.
-4. Be named Steve Gao.
-5. Insist on having your office hours on
East Hastings between the crack dealer and the guy who thinks he's spiderman.
-6. Eat chalk.
And
today's snobby beer quote:
"Work
is the curse of the drinking class."
--Oscar
Wilde
David
"Going to mug Tristram for his t-shirt next time" Sprague
PS Just joking Steve. I'm sure you're an
excellent TA.
PPS Not joking Tris. I want a free t-shirt. :)