Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2004 12:15:25 -0700 (PDT)

From: David Sprague <dsprague@cs.ubc.ca>

To: grads@cs.ubc.ca

Subject: Blackouts and black stouts

Hello. In an attempt to curb the productivity disaster that was yesterday and this morning, I am presenting an early call this

week. We should meet at our regular 5pm time at the front doors of CICSR and walk over. I am sorry to say that this week will

not involve mariachi bands, dance parties, Moosehead beer advertisements in the guise of prizes or a beer czar that doesn't know

when to go home.* Just our classic talking over pitchers of beer.

* 10 hours at the same pub!! In the end I was talking to random people I had just met about softball and Gander, Newfoundland's

bar scene. There's got to be a 12 step program for social addiction.

So this week's list, I can't claim will be funny because of my current state of sleep deprivation (ooooh, computer make pretty

colours), but I am relying on the fact that I wrote most of these yesterday. After all, it has taken me 10-15 minutes to write

this much of the email because of repeated minute long zone outs. I really don't trust my sense of humor right now. I am at

the state that every item in the list would include

the word poop to make it funny.

So for those of you that woke up with t-shirts, hats, and a tacky plastic leis (necklaces) and wonder what the hell happened

last Friday night, here is a quick synopsis (disclaimer: none of these actually happened. It's not slander if they are only

lies. :) )

TOP TEN FORGOTTEN EVENTS FROM LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AT KOERNER'S

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10. Contrary to the song's lyrics, Video did not actually kill the radio star. The radio star committed suicide to not have

to listen to our Karaoke any more.

9. Although the Moosehead t-shirts and caps were nice, many people were dismayed with the night's grand prize: a Moosehead

hemorrhoid donut.

8. The Koerner's staff got upset when there were reported sightings of a Brad Penoff on the premises but it turned out to

be a raccoon. They proceeded to banned the raccoon just to be sure.

7. Years of paper dancing practice at home finally pay off as Kapil wins a wine basket.

6. Despite the instructional title, karaoke singing "Laid" did not help my love life.

5. Four English majors accidentally choked to death of their tacky plastic leis. No one cared.

4. There was an unfortunate flatulence release during the Rasputin dance. Three people were injured, none seriously......

3. .....Strangely enough, the culprit was not our DJ Dancing Dave but rather a Biology student by the name of Ryan

Stinksalot who thought this was a perfect time to make the CS department lose face. This may have been the first shot in an

inter-departmental gang war. If you see a grad student not in our department, punch them for me. It's for the greater good.

2. Despite C+C Music Factory's bold claims, they did not make us

sweat. I also felt like I was in a gay steel mill.

1. The final contest of the night: Name that song or kick in the crotch.

0. Pictures presented to me on Saturday morning illustrate that I am not as "endowed" as I thought I was the night before.

-1. Abhijeet clearly demonstrated that it is possible to be funky and jiggy with it at the same time.

-2. Two racial stereotypes were missing from the Mariachi band that played on Friday. I felt cheated.

-3. I realized that after ingesting enough beer, even Moosehead tastes good.

-4. Despite requests for numerous other songs, Dave insisted on putting the Sesame Street Dance Mix on repeat.

-5. The night was going well until some crazy guy dropkicked a cardboard box into one of the torches. Four people died in

the ensuing fire

David "No more cardboard box jokes....for at least a week" Sprague