UDLS

Many of you don't know this but I was and still am the grad buddy of Jasper Geer. I hold this position very close to my heart as my own grad buddy emailed me once, decided I was not with her time and told me she was going to get a pack of cigarettes and I have not seen her since. Since September, Jasper has thought of me as a bit of a father figure, a role that I have begrudgingly accepted. I cannot say I feel the same way towards him as he does not feel like a father figure to me. But I digress. Every time I see him, I feel nothing but sorrow as he is constantly weeping into his hands. "What's wrong?" I always ask. And every single time he says the same thing. "Papa. The economy. She is doomed. The prices, they go up, but the wages? Pfft! Like-a my cousin Giovanni's hair—disappear overnight! I come from the old country. America. And she is doing no better. How will I survive when I graduate in seven years? These tariffs. They make my piercings so expensive!" After I too finish crying for Jasper and every other student that I care about (as well as some I don't care about) I look him in the eye, put my hand on his shoulder, and tell him the same thing, every time. "I promise. I'll find a way to fix this for you." After several months of this same exact exchange I can say with a high level of certainty that I have found a solution for Jasper. It's simple. We are going to invest. Join me during the UDLS while I provide an in depth break down of my financial investing plan and how I plan to get us all rich in the process.